Why I'm Not A CokeHead

I was born with two cute features; a cute ass and acute pseudocholinesterase deficiency.

This in medical terms is an inherited blood plasma enzyme abnormality.

Not the cute ass part, but the other.

In laymen's terms this condition can result in severe respiratory difficulty during surgery if the muscle-relaxing drug succinylcholine or other ester local anesthetics are used.

To put it in layman’s terms, if I get these anesthetics, I will stop breathing. My respiratory muscles will be immediately paralyzed and I will no longer have the ability to breathe on my own. I will die within seconds if left unattended.

But that is the key; if left unattended.

In a hospital, hooked up to a heart monitor that has an alarm, I would not be in much danger at all, especially given that a doctor of anesthesiology and the surgeon would be right there the entire time.

So, to be honest, I've never been much concerned about my condition. I don't even wear a medical alert bracelet. The only place I could ever come into contact with these anesthetics would be at a hospital, and I'd be safe there no matter what happened.

Or that is what I thought until a few years ago.

Melissa and I had gone to Aruba on a vacation where we met Kevin and Trish, a couple from Dundas, Ontario which is near Hamilton. Both are medical doctors, Kevin a radiologist and Trish a doctor of anesthesiology.

As we all hung out together by the pool in the hot sun, the four of us talked for a long time together. They loved talking to Melissa about her job as an on-air news reporter in Hamilton and I loved hearing both of their medical stories.

We learned Trish and Kevin met at McMaster University at medical school; Kevin was Trish’s instructor. They started dating after Kevin had taught Trish so there was nothing inappropriate about them dating, although for years afterwards I would go to great lengths to tease her about how she earned her mark in his class.

Kevin is the youngest fifty year old ever, and Trish was just thirty years old when we met in Aruba. A wonderful and interesting couple to say the least.

I happened to mention my allergic condition to Trish. I thought it would be interesting to talk about it with an expert. How many times would I have this opportunity again?

All was good, until Trish said with a laugh, "So, I'm guessing you were left out of the experience of ever trying cocaine".

My expression was obviously a little shocked, which seemed to disturb her.

"They did tell you never to use cocaine didn't they?" she asked hesitatingly, as if afraid of the answer.

"Why?" I asked, still confused.

"Uhm…because your heart and lungs would stop functioning and you could die?"

You think this would have been an important safety tip for me to learn at some point while growing up.

Trish explained that cocaine is part of the family of drugs that my body cannot process. She reminded me that cocaine had been used as an anesthetic in the early days of medicine.

Now, I have never tried cocaine...I guess that is obvious as I am able to write this story today. I've never even had any interest to experiment. However, I certainly have been around it many times and know many people who have tried it before.

I kind of just sat there quietly afterwards with my feet in the pool and the sun on my back, trying to process what I had just learned. I was thinking of all the times I was asked to try cocaine over the years...and wondering exactly how close I had ever come to making a choice that would have killed me.

It was more than a little scary to think about.

I decided to call my Mother from Aruba to ask her about it. My Mom explained that I had an eye operation when I was just a few months old and that was where I was exposed to the anesthetic that my body could not process. I stopped breathing on the operating table and that is how I was diagnosed.

The anesthesiologist involved with my eye surgery put a breathing tube in me and after almost a whole day the anesthetic wore off and my body was able to function on its own again. There was never any damage to me and never any real concern for my health at that time.

I asked my Mom, "Did the Doctor ever mention anything about the fact that I would have a bad reaction to cocaine?"

"Oh yes, you mustn't ever use that", she quickly replied, "That would be very bad"

"Why didn't you ever tell me about this Mom?"

That's when she started to laugh, "Oh how silly. Why on earth would you have ever used cocaine Max? It's illegal for one thing, Mr. Sillypants."

Thanks Mom. Thanks.