Lavalife Sucks

For those of you who happened to be single in 2000, or anytime since then, you have no doubt used the internet at some point to try and meet someone.

Lavalife dates have become so popular that everybody I know has been on one. As these are essentially blind dates, they are more like being in a job interview. I've known women that have scheduled their Lavalife dates back-to-back every hour and a half and kept notes during their meeting with each potential candidate.

I’m serious!

You'd arrive and meet, start with casual conversation regarding the weather and slowly get into the "what are your long term goals?" type of questions. "Where do you see yourself in five years? What about ten years?"

It is horrible.

At the end of the date you shake hands and they'd say, "We'll be in touch". You call back a few days later to get a response of, "I’m sorry, that position has been filled" or you'd be scheduled for another round of interviews.

Anyway, there is no real good alternative; finding a date is always hard and Lavalife makes it easier.

I’ve tried it before. It wasn’t pretty.

There I was, one summertime afternoon near Yonge and Eglinton on a patio having a beer and waiting for my Lavalife date to show up.

In walked a good looking lady who came over to my table and said, "Are you my Lavalife date?"

Not a bad way to start things. With a smile I said I was. She sat down and instead of going into the usual weather-talk she began a long rant of how she hated Lavalife and the whole experience of going on blind dates. I was really enjoying her rant. And I totally agreed with everything she said. Before long we found ourselves having a good time and enjoying the conversation.

As we laughed together, another woman at another table kept staring at us. I figured she was mad because we were making too much noise laughing. She got up, and with a mean look on her face, came over to our table. I figured we were in for a scolding.

"Max?" she asked.

I said yes, but I could not recognize this girl for the life of me.

"I'm Ann, your Lavalife date for 2pm. Are you seriously on another date at the same time?

My mouth dropped.

The woman across from me said, "Max? I thought you were Cliff?"

A guy from across the restaurant yelled out, waving his hand, "I'm Cliff!"

The only Lavalife date I've ever been on that I truly enjoyed and it wasn't even my date.