My Grandfather The Card

My grandfather, being from the east coast, had a great sense of humour which included a penchant for playing practical jokes.

And no one was spared from these jokes. Not even his young grandchildren.

Such was the case one fall afternoon when my parents were both working late, my grandmother was at a church women’s group meeting and so my grandfather was left with the task to take us both out to the chinese restaurant for dinner. I was five years old and my sister was six.

It was always a treat to go out for dinner with our grandfather. We were allowed to order a whole pop to ourselves and he always ordered more food than we could possibly eat. That night was no different, before long the three of us were fully stuffed.

After receiving the bill for the meal he took out his wallet and looked inside. A look of pure fear came over his face, "I have no cash!" he whispered to my sister and I.

Being a year older and knowing that grandfather was a jokester my sister was hesitant to believe him.

"As god is my witness I do not have any cash in my wallet". Now my grandfather was a retired United Church minister and religion was taken very seriously in our family. My sister and I knew that if he said, "As god is my witness..." whatever he said after that must be the truth.

And it was the truth. He had no cash in his wallet.

My sister and I were in a state of complete panic. We had heard what happens when you don't have enough money to pay your dinner bill; the police come and they make you wash dishes all night long...maybe even for days. I just wanted to go home.

My eyes teared up, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know Max. I just don't know". There was a long pause while he pretended to think. "Okay, I want you both to go outside and wait for me. I'm going to go talk to the owner", he whispered as if we were conducting a covert operation.

My sister Charlene and I hurried ourselves outside and got into the backseat of his car and hid low from sight. We began fretting about the situation.

My sister who was I trusted as older and wiser said, "If anything bad happens, just run Max. Just run”. I treated those as my mission orders.

The next few minutes seemed to take hours for the two of us. Meanwhile, my grandfather was obviously enjoying the moment while inside the restaurant.

We couldn't see him at all until he got to the car. As he opened the door to the driver’s seat, he screamed, “We have to go kids, before the police come!”

The people inside the restaurant must have thought we were all crazy.

My sister gasped in fear and I held my breath, my body paralyzed. We were beyond certain at this point that we were breaking the law and running away without paying our bill.

Visions of angry policemen and the army hunting us down flashed repeatedly in my mind. I had seen late night television before, so I knew what happens to criminals.

Once we got home, Charlene and I immediately ran in our home and hid under the bed, certain that the police were on their way to arrest us.

Later that same night, my parents arrived home to see my grandfather with his feet up on the couch and enjoying a drink. With no loud children about they knew instantly something was up.

When they asked my grandfather he replied with a friendly smile that Charlene and I had been absolutely no problem at all. He said he couldn't understand why some people have such a hard time managing kids. After all, he explained, he was able to get us to sleep in our rooms a whole hour before our bedtime. He pondered out loud that he must have a natural gift with children.

Now my parents were certain something was wrong. They went upstairs and when they finally coaxed us out from under the bed Charlene and I were both hesitant to tell them of our crime. After all, as known local criminals, would our parents still love us?

After repeatedly assuring us that everything was fine I still wasn’t sure. Overcome with emotion, I cried out, "I didn't even touch the fortune cookies once I knew we had no money! Honest!"

Very soon afterwards, my parents calmly explained to Charlene and I about the magical device known as the "credit card".

Don't feel too bad for us though. My mom got on the phone that night with her two sisters and decided that their father deserved a prank of his own.